Twisted Perspective

2002-05-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, last post to this blog. Now, I'm not sure if anyone actually links here or not...eh....but in case you do, the new blog address is http://www.twistedperspective.com/blogger.html

Yay. That is all.

2002-05-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

Holy shit! Porcelain 6 is 18 pages long! (just thought I'd share, since I just finished it) Now! I will edit tomorrow, then send it off for beta-ing, and then it will be posted. Patience will be rewarded, dear reader...okay, well, 8 of you that read this. Or well, we may be down to 6 by now. ::waves::

2002-05-21T01:36:00.000-05:00

Cue the lights. Hit the music. I got my laptop back.

Yay.

Okay, so I'm not actually typing this on my laptop, I'm typing this on my dino-computer that was transported to my apartment because without modem I go CRAZY (er). But anyway, I'm transfering files from my old back up disk, loading drivers and programs and mp3s and trying like hell to get it all back The Way It Was. BLECH.

Notice: I lost my address book, so I lost people's email addresses. Josh, if you read this, I'm talking to you. Email me! Your addy is complicated, and I cannot remember it.

Interim college classes rock. More on this later, I'm sure. But yeah, I'm going to be in classes all summer. No rest for me! ::falls over::

Um, okay, now...anything that people care about? oh! Porcelain 6 is going swimmingly. People are starting to arrive, so I get to write their relationships with other characters and different styles of dialogue for them and all sorts of fun stuff. Yay! The subplot is becoming more obvious, but not too obvious just yet. It's not a *big* subplot, just some depth to the story that I wanted to add. This ain't *just* a normal suspence ficcy anymore, I don't suppose. Well, maybe it is. I could be full of shit. It's happened before.

But! I'm excited about this next part. It's at page...13...and I've still got at least 4 pages left to write. Big part. Character development and such, though, so it's all good. Stuff will happen, don't worry. I know that the last part was kind of dry. But hey! I needed to get that info in there somehow or another, and I wasn't about to short change it. Oh, hey, you'll finally find out the year that the fic takes place. The time has come to let that info out. Mwha! It's good to have a Master Plan. Now, in a few more parts...wait. I need to shut up.

Anyway, I've got class tomorrow, so I need to sleep. G'night, all.

2002-05-12T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well, my laptop crashed. Sucks. I lost everything. Sucks. I have a backup disk from last month. That's good. I have to use the ancient computer from my parents' house in the meantime. Sucks.

BLAH!

2002-05-05T16:41:00.000-05:00

I feel better today.

2002-05-04T02:00:00.000-05:00

you know it's strange that the sight of my blood and the bite of the razor blade can stop my tears. funny that. what the fuck is wrong with me? i'm all alone. alone. there's no one here but me.

but now i can't cry anymore. i'm trying, but i can't. the blood has even clotted in my cuts, so what the hell am i supposed to do now? shit. i don't know. i don't do drugs, i don't drink, i don't fuck. so what's left for me? nothing. how fitting. how fucking fitting.

i'm sorry. this is not exactly cheerful, is it? the dark is starting to get to me again. i should go now...take a shower or something...there's nothing for me to do...nowhere for me to go. shit. this is pathetic. surprise!

g'night. i'm going to sleep. maybe the morning will be bright.

2002-05-04T01:51:00.000-05:00

there's blood running down my ankles and my upper arms

i had a bad day

i wish i were dead

but this is all i'm going to do about it

i would do more

but i'm a fucking coward

2002-05-02T22:51:00.000-05:00

::kicks blog::

2002-05-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

http://raygunworks.net/thecontest.html

Yeah, there's a ton of contests out right now. Like three? There's Hatsukoi, the 1x2 one, the one above, and that other one...Shiai...yeah, that's how you spell it. What's with a bunch of contests all going at once? And all during finals? Stress! (hey, by the way, on the one that's linked above, you! get to vote on the best overall story category...which Cadence is entered in...so if you HONESTLY think Cadence is better than the other stories, then please take the time to vote for it. Be honest, though! Please don't just vote because you think I'm a nice (ha!) person. Thank you, drive thru!)

Contests are weird. See, I have this complex. I want to be *in* contests, but my complete lack of confidence doesn't let me enter anything on my own. I'd jsut feel so fucking arrogant going, "This is my story and I'm entering because I think it's better than these other stories!" I honestly don't think stories can be compared to each other, because every work is different. If a story is good enough to be read, then that's enough for me...being "better" than another person's work is stupid. Well, not really stupid, but it's arbitrary. It's all in the mind of the reader, ya know? Just like art is in the eye of the beholder, every work is supposed to mean something different, have different ends or goals. That's why we have smut stories, deep stories, scifi stories, all different kinds. Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass here and taking things too seriously. I don't know. I just feel woefully inadequate at times. I'll read something that someone else writes and go, "Shit, that's fucking awesome. I would never ever in a million years have wrote that. But then, they never would have wrote [fill in the blank with one of my story's names] either. They don't have my sort of fucked up style. I don't have theirs. It doesn't mean that either of us is better or worse. But *damn* I wish my writing was that fucking awesome."

Therefore, I wait for other people to nominate me. They usually do, so I'm cool. ^_^;;;; ::massive massive massive sweatdrop::

Basically, I have no confidence. I suck. Or at least, I think I do...which isn't good, considering writing is my life's ambition. My life's ambition is something I have no confidence in. How pathetic.

2002-04-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

I should not be writing in this blog. I should be working on my criminal justice paper.

Anyway!

I've been really quiet lately, and I haven't been able to write anything. Why? Because college is the devil. Oh well, whatever. I just have had a lot of work to do. I'm sure many more people have a hell of a lot more to do than me, I'm just pathetic. Fuck it. I don't care. I just thought I'd give that public service announcement. I've muddled around, though, doing minor things here and there that don't take up too much time or brain power. I haven't been able to read much of anything because of class work, so I can't do much else at the moment.

I'm revising/editing Cadence, and I may post it to Gw-fan as a "hi! this is me!" intro thing before I sink back in to lurkage. Whatever. I don't know. I can revise stuff that I've already written, but I can't concentrate on writing new stuff. My brain is fried. Fzzzzzz....
...
I'm in a weird mood today, all lethargic and mash potato-y. Maybe it's because I had instant mash potatoes for lunch/breakfast? You are what you eat, right? So am I mashed potatoes? ::horror!::

See, weird mood.

I should go work on my criminal justice paper. yes. i will. stop laughing. i really will! okay, now i'm laughing...

2002-04-23T03:37:00.000-05:00

Nanashi: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction Contest

Hey! Check it out! Nanashi will have a horror category this year! ::cheers:: Finally!

Just thought I'd share. See, more than one person (maybe 4 or 5...?...) actually went out of their way to email me saying that they wished there was a horror category because they felt stuff like "Drums" didn't really fit with the other one-shots. They (the 4 or 5 people) said they requested a horror category for this coming year. I know *I* requested a horror category. I wonder if any of that had anything to do with it showing up? Maybe I'm just being stupid? Or maybe it's because, well, a year and a half ago, there wasn't nearly as many horror stories coming out as there are now, and therefore since the trend is started, it just got added naturally? Of course, it was about a year and a half ago that I joined the GW fandom, so I could be looking at this with a skewed perspective since I started out writing horror (Nightmare, first fic, yadda yadda yadda). I'd have to ask someone who's been around longer. Hey, anyone who reads this that's been around longer than I have, is this the case? Has the trend went up? I dunno, but I'm glad that there are more horror/supernatural stories out there. I mean, we've got the classics of the fandom (Maxwell's Demon by Madam Hydra, Acherontia Atropos by Katsu no Miko, to name just a couple of excellent, super well-known ones; those were among the first two GW fics I read) but now we've got whole contests devoted to the horror genre...like the Terror Unknown contest run by VLG...of course, that's multi fandom, but hey, you catch my drift, right? Or maybe I'm hallucinating, simply because that's just what I end up reading more often than not. Feedback on this, people? Maybe on the neglected little message board? (Scroll up, you'll see the link)

Moving along...

Hm. I must say, I wasn't expecting much feedback on Porcelain 5, considering the lack of action, but damn, man, I've gotten...not a lot. It's weird to stretch my literary legs on "realistic" violence and angst instead of sci-fi or supernatural stuff, and here I am with no idea if I'm doing a good or a bad job. Oh well, I shall assume that I'm not sucking until someone tells me otherwise. (I hope I don't receive an email in ten minutes that just says, "YOU SUCK!" because I may burst into a ball of blue flame. I'd like a reason for why I suck, at least. ^_~) Anyway, rambling off topic here. Le sigh. Oh well, it's incentive to work even harder on the next part, eh? ::grin:: Yay! I get to write Dorothy! I love Dorothy. She's awesome. And Mariemeia! And Hilde! And Sylvia (her fiancé and his sister, too. i get to create them officially!)! And Rashid! And...uh...I don't feel like getting my outlines out, so everyone else! Yay!

OH! I just watched Yami no Matsuei! I love that series! I must watch it again, like, tomorrow. Expect me to write something for it eventually, maybe a crossover with another series I haven't written yet...like Weiss Kreuz or Gravitation. (I need to see all of Weiss before I write for it, though, so that'll be a ways off, but since I've seen all of Gravitation...thanks to the wonderful Snow Tigra!...mwha...) Speaking of...I want to write something odd for Gravitation. I swear, that fandom is full of lovely fluff, extremely wonderfully written angst (romance, romance, romance...and smut, too (notcomplainingwinkwinknudgenudgesaynomore)), and a few Ryuiichi-as-split-personality-fics scattered in liberally. Of course, it's still a small fandom, and the quality of most fics is excellent, but I want some more variety. So maybe I'll *make* some variety for myself. Keeping people in character, of course. (That should go without saying) And not going terribly beyond the bounds of the presented show, either. (duh) Something just a little bit different...::grin:: Something...mildly creepy...something only implied....hehe....of course, I *did* have that great and wildly supernatural idea about Tachi. I love Tachi. He's my favorite character. The poor guy just got a bum rap, ya know? Sure, he didn't react well (he reacted quite bastardly, in fact, but I'm trying to stay vague in case anyone hasn't seen the series) but hey, I still like him. I understand his motivations, even if I don't agree with his actions.

But anyway, back to Yami no Matsuei. I've decided that Muraki is my favorite villain of all time. I mean it. He just topped all other villains, even The Strangers from "Dark City." The man is AWESOME. He's so fucking twisted! I love him. I do!

Um. I should go to bed now. I'm tired.

2002-04-22T19:27:00.000-05:00

Hmm....Adrenaline....Hmm....Ignore me. I have a one shot idea.

2002-04-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

2002-04-19T03:20:00.000-05:00

which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

Okay, so I'm still procrastinating. Check it out! ::points up:: This is great. It's awesome. Yes, I am literally filled with awe. I'm TIM! Tim! My favorite Holy Grail character, and incidentally, the name of my (female) mage character I play in an pseudo-RPG thing with few of my friends. Thus my excitement.

Okay. Gonna stop procrastinating at any moment now...hehe...

2002-04-19T02:59:00.000-05:00

What bishounen type is your favourite?

By ShoSen of Totally Kawaii!

::giggles madly::

Archtype one includes the following: Hiei, Heero, Wufei, D, Zelgadiss, and Mikagami. (insert squeal here)

I think Porcelain 5 is done. Not sure. Need to edit, but I'm at page 13 and this is a very good place to end the part, so I think I will. It's not a terribly exciting part, but fuck it. There's some character developement, damnit!

...

Sorry.

Okay. Back to reading Milton's "Paradise Lost." Bah.

2002-04-18T02:57:00.000-05:00

I have trapped a fly in an overturned glass beside my computer. I'm going to release it into the wilds (my front step thing) later. Right now it's crawling around on the insides of the glass and kind of freaking me out. See, I keep forgetting its there, then it moves. Then I jump. Thus, the freak-out-age.

I'm having fun on Porcelain 5. Character development! Whee! Lots of dialogue! After writing Cadence, and its strange, weird dialogue, writing regular dialogue is fun...although dialogue is always a challenge to make both interesting and informative. And natural. You don't want your characters to appear stiff. Oh, and you want people to "sound" in character, which can be hard since the reader is, duh, reading the words.

Plus, certain characters notice and talk about things that other characters will not talk about. You have to also make sure that if you have a bunch of characters in a conversation, you don't forget about someone just because they aren't talking too much. Like Trowa. The guy isn't a damn mute! I hate it when people make him almost invisible. The guy is smart, he chooses his words wisely. He doesn't stop existing for a few pages. Urgh. ...Sorry, pet peeve. I have more than a few pet peeves about dialogue. I'm really picky about it, probably more than I should be. Well, to clarify, I'm not picky about other people's dialogue, most people are just fine. I'm picky about my own, and I just don't like stereotyped characterization (unless it's for satirical purposes, such as Trowa's infamous: "..." That can be funny as hell if used correctly. There's a time and place for everything ^_^)

Back to what I was saying before: All the inflection and sound in dialogue has to come from the presentation of the vocabulary on the computer screen, which if you think about it, makes conversation on the screen hard to make realistic. Eh. Maybe I'm paranoid.

Damn fly just moved again. Freaky ass fly.

2002-04-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

Botched Executions

Okay, I just thought I'd share how royally fucked up this is. The above link takes you to a list of botched executions in the good ol' USA. Really morbid. Why am I reading these? Well, for criminal justice we're writing our final paper on crime prevention, and that can include capital punishment. Now, in the United States, it costs much more to execute a prisoner than it does to keep him in prison until his sorry ass dies. But hey, we still legally execute despite the exorbitant cost. Whatever. Anyway, our CJ teacher pointed this page out. He really got a kick out of the botched executions. Seriously.

I can sort of see why, though...stupid ass executioners in some instances. Or geez, what about the guys they can't find the vein on for lethal injections? Damn, their arms must be all bruised up before they have poison shot into their veins. Lovely. ::twitch:: Some of the executed guys had to help their executioners. How fucked up is that? "Here, let me help you find the vein so you can kill me!"

...

Okay. Moving along.

Working on Porcelain. So far, we've got a tiny bit of humor in this part, and a whole lot of tension. I'm on page 6...almost 7...and I've got a lot left before I'm finished with this part's objectives. Yes, I have objectives for each part. Goals, people, goals! Although the way everything is shaping up, the story as a whole is going to be a lot longer than I previously anticipated. All these little layers, dialogues, and developments are starting to add page count and complexity. I wanted to have this damn thing finished by the end of the month, but the way it's looking, I'll be lucky to finish the next two or three parts by the end of the month. Oh, and then finals start, which will be a nice bump in the road. GOODY! ((sarcasm, folks))

Oh, shit. I've rambled. Sorry. I think I'll take a nap.

2002-04-16T01:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so sue me. I'm addicted to stupid online tests.

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Okay. I'd like to gush for a second here. I LOVE "Pump Up the Volume." LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Seriously. ::gushes::

Okay.

I'm done.

Off to work on Porcelain.

2002-04-15T05:09:00.000-05:00

See which Greek Goddess you are.

::snickers:: I'm Athena. I'm not a misogynist, though. (I hate everyone equally, despite gender, race, or religious preference. just kidding.) I don't know if I'm the kind of person that's good to have around, either. (people avoid me) I don't think I'm totally rockin' or anything. (I like rock music...but I don't rock...eh) But! I like the wisdom thing. It sounds really fuckin' stupid, but wisdom is the one thing I really want out of life. I strive for it, and learn everyday how much I still have left to learn. I'm an idiot. But whatever. I dig the wisdom part.

Now I'm going to have to dig out my lovely Greek mythology books. I haven't looked at them in a while. Bah. I'm tired. I think I should go to bed. ::notes the time:: Wow, it's 5:15 am.

2002-04-13T01:30:00.000-05:00

Vlah. Okay. I'm a lazy ass. I just thought I'd share that with the 4 people that read this.

::deadpan:: Yay.

Anyway. I just went to amazon.com and guess what? It was DOWN! I was shocked, indeed I was. And so I thought I'd share that, as well.

I'm in a really bad mood. Maybe I should go for a drive. Yeah. Go real fast on a road to nowhere. Why does that sound so bleak and damn metaphorical?

2002-04-10T15:40:00.000-05:00

Well. So far the feedback and such that I've gotten on Porcelain (part 4) is absolutely lovely. I need to reply to it all. But I need a nap first, so for a moment I will just ramble in a sleepy stupor. (Porcelain rambling) Whee! I'm so excited. I'm going to start working on the next part tonight. Everything is coming together nicely. People are slightly confused, and some people have little bits and pieces of the truth, but no one has all of it. A lot of people (well, maybe two or three people) have suspect a specific person(s), but won't say exactly who they suspect, either because they 1) don't want to sound stupid or 2) don't want to voice their opinions for fear of tipping other people off on the mailing list(s), just in case. Meanwhile, I cackle maniacally and grin, knowing that somehow I'm doing something right because people are picking up on the little things...of course, I've got lots and lots of information and "clues" that may or may not be smoke and mirrors (to the reader, I know what's what, of course. duh. if I didn't know what was what, and I know who is the keeper of the mask, otherwise we'd all be in trouble). Yeah. Fun! Anyway, if anyone out there wants a clue, here's a little one: there are still things that you do not know, so keep watching for some subtle hints. ::evil grin:: I've left some things out on purpose. For instance, what year is it? (it's at least 4 years after the anime, but exactly how long ago was the recording in the prologue...well, recorded? ha! you don't know. i do, and you'll know pretty soon as well.) And what city were Heero and Duo living in? Will Wufei keep his new hairstyle? Do blondes really have more fun? Are all these things important, or are they part of the carefully constructed false trails I've tried to plant in the story? Mwha.

::cackles again::

Eh. One thing that I have to be so damn careful of, though, is that every single female that even makes a wandering appearance in the story has been suspected in emails and feedback and such, their motives analyzed and opportunities and everything about them picked apart. EVERY SINGLE FEMALE. Ack! I'm almost afraid to write a female peripheral character. Hehe. Note the "almost." (if anyone suspects Zechs and Noin's baby girl, Tredici, then I may scream. There. Now you know. It's definitely not the infant. By the way, Tredici translated in Italian means 13. Take from that what you will. ^_^ Just thought I'd share for the 4 people that actually read this blog). Erm. Oops. Rambling over now. And I successfully didn't reveal a damn thing. Yay!

Now, it's time for that nap.

::falls asleep at the keyboard::

2002-04-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

I feel better now. Not much, but a little. ::sigh:: Oh well, fuck it. I don't have time to feel at all right now.

Whew. Okay. List o' things to do: Read 3 chapters of History and study for midterm (it's 2/3 of the way through the term, but they call it a midterm anyway) Then, read something or other written by some Puritan chick from a couple hundred years ago and write a short report on it. Then! Edit my criminal justice paper one more frickin' time. Finally! (hopefully.) Me lovely beta reader will have finished with Porcelain 4 and I can post it. I'm not holding my breath, though, because it *is* 16 pages long.

Lastly, I will pass out in a sleepy stupor. Or maybe eat. Whatever.

Huzzah.

::whimpers::

2002-04-07T01:47:00.000-06:00

I feel bad.

2002-04-04T15:35:00.000-06:00

Huzzah. Part four of Porcelain is 16 pages long. Now! I need to edit it before sending it along for beta-ing. I need to go back one more time on the re-edit of the beginning. Ho-hum. Well, about part 4. I'm kind of excited. There's new layers to the story...like character development and stuff. Good, fun things to write. Lots of dialogue, lots of info about the impending guests. Well, not too much. But some. A little bit of introspection. Yay. And some creep factor. I hope. I swear, this is so much easier to write than Cadence. Of course, it's apples and oranges to compare them. Porcelain is so much...lighter. And since it's post-series and post-OVA, I have so much more freedom. Dance, puppets, dance! ::cackles:: er..sorry...

So. I have that to do. What else? Hm. History reading...have a test on Monday...need to finish my criminal justice paper. Gah. That's great. I only have one page left to type on that damn paper. It's 8 pages of text, double spaced. How can that be so fucking hard when I can write 10 pages of single spaced work in less than twelve hours? Oh, I know. I don't have to add in extensive research. And stories are fun. ::scoffs:: Oh well. At least criminal justice isn't boring. I've learned a lot that I can apply. Violence! Whee. Really, though, it's kind of sickening the things you learn. But hey, now that I know the facts, things can be more realistic in my stories. Realism is very important to me, especially when writing about supernatural things. I'm weird like that.

Hell, I'm just weird.

Now. I'm hungry. I desire pizza. Pizza comes before editing and before criminal justice paper.

Indeed.

2002-03-23T11:12:00.000-06:00

Wai! Yay. It posted at the right time. Yeah, I'm in a weird mood today. I'm hungry...I should eat? Yeah. Okay, I'm talking to myself while I type. This is not a good sign.

2002-03-23T11:11:00.000-06:00

Oh. My computer time says its....11:11

Spooky...

2002-03-22T21:44:00.000-06:00

Okay. Lovely lovely Wordsmith-the-mighty (that's me beta) said she'd have the epilogue of Cadence to me tonight. Yay. Just thought I'd share since I've already received a request or two for "advance" peeks. The answer will be no, so no one else get any ideas.

Hm. Spring break!

It's Spring Break. I almost forgot. Hm. My plans: Get my poem/crappy-art personal page up, start my shrine page (in other words, the page where I plan to ramble about my favorite characters from various animes. huzzah). I'm going to work on Porcelain. Yay. Creepy fun!

And I'm going to work on Still Waters. Only like, five people know what Still Waters is. It's a lake ficcy. Woo. Seriously, that's about it so far...but things lurk. Only one part is done, and as some people will note...if I have more than one multi-parter going at a time, people get impatient. Although I may just start posting and working anyway. The basic rundown: The Gboys, now Preventers, are sent on a "vacation" by Une to a tourist-trap lake. Now, at this lake a whole shitload of mysterious accidents occur, and weird deaths and such. People go missing. Yadda yadda yadda. But despite the bad press, people still go. Basically, it's an excuse to force our over worked boys on vacation while allowing them to still "be at work." Yay. And that's all I'm saying right now besides this: It will contain (eventually) my favorite pairing. Which happens to be a combo. Hehe. Yay. Double Yay. Triple Yay. ::snickers:: But it's going to be a horror fic. Creepy, scary shit will happen, and it will contain character growth and romance. And maybe some gratuitous sex. Maybe.

I should really stop sending the boys on Vacations of Doom. Seriously, I'm always doing that. First Drums...of course...nah, if you've read Drums you know what happens...then 11:11...spooky!...and now Still Waters. But how else do you get the guys, relaxed and in an out of series timeline context (because I'm not going to stick them in a haunted Oz base and have them battle their way out, no matter how fun that may be, it would be woefully OOT), into a nice horror story situation? I supposed I could do a haunted safehouse fic, but I like writing all the guys in a nice, meaty oneshot. And yeah, not possible within the series. I've covered that. I've had a few ideas for some weird creature-feature fics, but I don't know if I care to write 'em.

Bah. ::bounces::

Oh, and I got a B on my sociology test. Huzzah.

2002-03-19T00:47:00.000-06:00

::stupid, stupid, stupid shit-eating grin::

I just finished Cadence! I just finished Cadence!

::dances::

Part 7, finished saturday.

Epilogue, all six pages, done all tonight kiddies. As soon as lovely beta done, reading fun for everyone.

Well...fun?

Hehe.

If you've been reading Cadence, you'd know how subjective the world "fun" is in context with the story. ::evil, evil grin::

But anyway, I have a sociology test tomorrow I should most definitely study for. I need to work on editing stuff. I need shower-age. I need my buddy Josh to email me. EMAIL ME JOSH!

I need my friend Kat to email me, too! EMAIL ME KAT!

::Blinks::

Wow. I am Random today. And now, I don't mean Random, daughter of Arthur.

2002-03-14T02:05:00.000-06:00

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

2002-03-06T00:07:00.000-06:00

I hate my birthday. It's not my birthday. Don't think that, my birthday's not for six months or so. But a friend of mine's birthday is coming up and we're (another bud and I) are planning to take her out to see a comedian and such. It came up in the conversation that on my birthday no one did anything for me. And the friend (that I was planning with) kind of brought up that I should have opened my mouth when it was my birthday so they could have done something nice for me. I replied that I didn't like my birthday. I hate my birthday. I hate it. So he asked why. I never really thought about it. This was an email conversation, so I took a few hours to think about it, and this is all I could think of to say:

Because it is a celebration of my birth. That's it.

I think that's explanation enough, if you think about the lack of value I hold for myself. Read the blogger if you want back up of this.

Thankfully, this past year I got to spend my birthday all alone. I didn't see or speak with anyone at all. No human contact. It was lonely. It hurt. But it was so much easier than faking smiles and laughs. Everyone that knew was busy anyway...or forgot...like I said, I didn't remind anyone. It was what I wanted, and I loved it while I hated myself. Twisted bliss. I want every birthday to be like that. I wonder if this makes me a masochist, I really do. I don't like pain, though, that's the kicker. I hate pain. Pain sucks. It's not fun and I don't like it, I just don't like myself. I guess I think I deserve it. But I don't know what I did to deserve it. Maybe it's what I don't do. What I don't know what to do. What I can't do. Maybe it boils down to the lack of regard I have for myself. I would live or die for those that I care about, but I wonder if that means anything since I hold no value for my own life. Is that selfish, not to care about my life? Not to care about my death? But that's the only reason I haven't done away with myself, because I know that it would hurt...about....5 people. Maybe 5 people. This is starting to confuse myself. See, I started off thinking about my stupid birthday and I ended up by counting the fistful of people that may care about my existence. No wonder I'm depressed. I think too fucking much.

But it's not like I can stop thinking. That would be a form a suicide of its own.

2002-02-28T23:41:00.000-06:00

I feel terrible. So terrible.

2002-02-28T18:32:00.000-06:00

God. I have such a migraine. I've had this fucking migraine for three days straight. It won't go away. I have migraine painkillers. I'm on migraine medication for cryin' out loud. But are they working? NO. Meanwhile, my skull is slowly contracting and expanding with the pulse of my blood. Seriously. My heartbeat is roaring through my head so loud that it's making my cranium pound. It HURTS.

::whimpers::

owie.

I'm sorry to complain. It's stupid and useless, just like me. But fuck it. Fuck me. Stupid me. Useless me. Worthless me.

I'm not in a good mood, maybe because of the pain. I was looking at my wrists today. Call me morbid. It's officially been a year since I tried to kill myself. Yay. And I can't try again until after lent because pills and rope just ain't my style. Yeah, morbid morbid me gave up cutting for lent. How fucked up am I? But I'm going to stick by it. Although I sit and stare at my blades for at least five minutes every day.

Yeah.

Maybe it's my migraine talking.

Maybe it's not.

2002-02-25T01:23:00.000-06:00

Yay! Today is superfluous exclamation point day!

I'm working more on Cadence! Yay! Inspiration's 40 lbs. mallet has hitteth me on the noggin! 'Tis good!

There's symbolism! There's other literary elements! There's things that only a few people will pick up on! (Rewards for the thoughtful readers!) There's references to some stuff from the anime that not everyone will understand but I won't explain fully because you should have seen it! There's angst! There's thoughts of oblivion! There's the end! I'd better shut up! I don't want to give things away!

2002-02-23T01:12:00.000-06:00

Hi Kat!

See. Told you I'd go home and do this.

^_^

To those that are not Kat: The above is an inside joke. I am insane. ::bows:: Thank you.

2002-02-21T18:31:00.000-06:00

Okay. Well. I finished my report around 6 am this morning. 'Twas a good report indeed. ::nods:: I ended up not writing about Megan's Law, and instead wrote about date and marital rape. Those are some unsettling subjects, let me tell you. Just because consensual sex can be possible in a situation doesn't mean that consent is necessarily going to be there. But so many victims either don't think they've been raped (not in the criminal sense of the word, but I don't know how rape could not be criminal) or they blame themselves. And the sad thing is, the majority of rapes are acquaintance rapes. And 90% go unreported. That's downright staggering.

It makes you think, and not in a good way.

2002-02-20T20:39:00.000-06:00

I'm procrastinating! Yay!

So...in my procrastination I decided to check some of the various websites' counter stats. Time zones. Time zones make me blink at the screen. Why? Because people in other countries are looking at my pages. Yes, I realized this before....but damn. It's like when someone tells me they've talk to their friends about a fic o' mine. Not only does it mildly intimidate me...but it really hits me how much the internet really spreads information and such happiness across borders. I love it.

World Wide Web, indeed.

^_^

Now. Back to the report from hell. I couldn't find the information I wanted, so I decided to do my paper on something completely different. I hope it turns out okay. ::sweatdrop:: I hate waiting to the last minute to do something like this. If it weren't for those blasted midterms I had to study for (took 'em Monday) then I would have had this stupid friggin' thing done last week. Then, rather than procrastinating and feeling mildly sick to my stomach, I'd be doing...something else.

Damnit. Oh well.

2002-02-20T15:49:00.000-06:00

Guess what? I have a four page paper due tomorrow on Megan's Law.

Guess what? I haven't started it yet.

Guess what? I haven't done research for it yet.

Guess what? I'm screwed.

2002-02-17T17:57:00.000-06:00

Yay! I have everything back! Yay! ::dances::

2002-02-17T17:48:00.000-06:00

I officially take back every nasty comment I made about envy.nu before. They, even though their company tanked, kept all of our files. God bless, them. ::squeal:: I'm happy.

2002-02-17T04:01:00.000-06:00

It's 4 am, do you know where your mind is?

No?

Neither do I. Know where your mind is. Or mine, for that matter. Urk!

Anyway, I've had a productive day in terms of fun and stuff, unproductive in terms of studying. I have two midterms on Monday and I haven't caught up on my reading. Oops. But I've got a whole shitload of doujinshi scans htmled and uploaded, I just need to get them linked up. Then the scan page will be fully functional. I need to get a links page put together for it, too. Come to think of it, I need to get my links together for my fic page as well. Hm.

So yeah. Me and two friends ate at our university's 24 hour diner at about 2 am. It was fun. I had chicken fingers and fries. Then we sat there and watched all these drunk people wander in and talk loudly. It was great, because we could make fun of them and they wouldn't notice. Such is great thing when dealing with drunken people.

I also have this theory. It's not really mine, but a collective theory. See, what does the US Postal service do with letters to Santa? What do they do with letters to God (or other deity with no street address)? They go to the big room o' no return, right? Because wouldn't that just disillusion the hell out of some poor little kid to have his letter to Santa returned? So anyway, if the letters to Santa and to God go to the same place....would by some fucked-up version of the transitive property make....Santa = God? ::Insert sound effect here:: It's plausible at 4 am. And it's 4 am now. Therefore it is plausible.

Indeed.

Perhaps I should go sleep now.

2002-02-15T02:41:00.000-06:00

Bah. I just got finished reading Karl Marx and Frederick Engels rant about the state of the working class in England in the 19th century. How fun. I guess I should go to sleep now.

No news on the webpage front. Just tinkering. I want my guestbook back. ::growls:: Envy.nu shall feel my seething wrath. Okay, so it won't. They're swearing up and down that they haven't lost any of people's files, just that they are tranferring everything to the corporate monster host that ate them. Whatever. Supposedly the files were going to be back today...but they're not. Those bastards. It ticks me off.

But hey, I'm Megatron. I can deal with it. ::points down:: Look! I am Megatron.

2002-02-14T17:07:00.000-06:00

Huzzah!

I am Megatron!

"Look in a mirror and feel the evil. Then eat the mirror. You eat mirrors for breakfast. You are a badass death robot. You busted on Optimus Prime. You. Are. Megatron. Go outside and burn some animals, because you're worth it.

Declare your pre-Galvatron-ness with the following non-heat-sensitive emblem:"

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

2002-02-14T13:38:00.000-06:00

I AM SO PISSED OFF.

Envy.nu is officially dead. All my beautiful guestbook, my awards, and everything is GONE. Just gone.

I don't know what to say.

2002-02-14T01:39:00.000-06:00

I had fun today reformatting my old South Park stories. I miss writing comedy. Could this be a sign? Should my next story be funny? I think so.

2002-02-14T01:37:00.000-06:00

Tweak.

2002-02-14T01:35:00.000-06:00

Now I'm tweaking this very blogger. Huzzah.

2002-02-14T01:32:00.000-06:00

Vah. Work continues on the webpage. Almost done with the fan fiction page. I need to do some emailing, though. I hate envy.nu.

2002-02-12T20:14:00.000-06:00

Witness me, I am the walking dead.

No, really.

Let me tell you about my lovely day. I'm in marching band here at the lovely University of Alabama. We were asked to do a lovely Mardi Gras parade today down in Mobile, which is about three hours away. We had to get on the buses this morning at lovely 5 am. When we arrived, they made us get into full uniform and get our instruments out and then eat lovely (bad, chicken salad (retch) in croissants) boxed breakfast. Then we were left to our own devices, still in full uniform, for two and a half hours. Which really wasn't bad, but the time management was severely fucked. Why couldn't we have left two and a half hours later that morning instead of getting there and waiting around? It will remain a lovely lovely lovely mystery.

Lovely.

So we line up for our lovely parade. Our lovely bitch of a band director had told us that the abbreviated parade route that we were taking was to be one mile. We were not going to do the whole parade, just a portion of it. Oh, but no! We marched EIGHT MILES. EIGHT MILES. Let me type that again for maximum effect:

EIGHT MILES

Now, eight miles really isn't that horrible. Yes, it is tiring as hell and makes you want to commit suicide with your saxophone, but that's not the point. If I had known the parade was going to be eight miles, rather than ONE like we were told, then I would have been prepared for the pure misery. But no! We can't be honest! Never! And it's so fun when people yell things at you:

"Why do y'all look so tired?" --- my response: "Because, you toothless unemployed redneck, we're in mile seven. Fuck you."

"You suck! {insert rival college's name here} rules! Go home!" or "GO {RIVAL COLLEGE NAME!}!"
My response: "Do you see {rival college's} band here? Be grateful, you assholes. Fuck you."

"Play something!" -- My response: "We're in mile six. The drums are playing the cadence. Listen to them while we frantically try to catch our breath. Fuck you."

Well, those would have been my responses if I hadn't been at attention or in uniform. As a representative of the university and a member of the band adhering to rank and discipline, I just had to march along, fuming and sending mental "Fuck you"s out to every moron that annoyed me.

...But I digress.

And then, at the end of the parade, before our tired and sweaty bodies were going to be transported back home to Tuscaloosa...we were supposed to be fed a buffet of food. It was supposed to be glorious. BUT NO! ::insert gasp here:: They served us more boxed lunches. Again, boxed lunches are fine, but they should have told us the truth. And what's worse...they ran out. That's right. No food for me.

Thus. Today sucked. I am tired and worn out and hungry.

2002-02-11T06:37:00.000-06:00

::falls over::

Okay. More work is done on the page. Fics are now up again. I just wish I could get into envy.nu so I can get the gift art page. My backup disk got corrupted so all my info on who gave me what is screwed. I remember who gave me what, and I have all the pictures, but I don't have emails all on record. Why? Because I'm messy and though using my webpage as a record would be okay.

I need my guestbook, too. ::pouts:: Damn envy.nu. Grrr.

2002-02-10T03:43:00.000-06:00

Bah. Working away. Tomorrow...which translates to when I wake up later today...I'm going to set up the fic page and get some scanning done. Also! I shall finish fixing the nexus page. I already did it, but it looks SHITTY on a 800 x 600 screen...and while I myself use a 1024 x 768 screen, I want it to not look like shit on either. Although why anyone would have their screen set so close (it looks close to me...everything is so much bigger...blah) is beyond me.

But anyway. I have to sleep now. Because I'm tired. That's a good reason, right?

I want to finish Cadence 7 tomorrow as well. I suppose I shall have to see how the day goes. If I still have a migraine tomorrow (I've had one all day today...and yesterday...) I may not be able to get any writing done. My poor head. When I cough, my brains jiggle inside my skull. It is painful. Quite painful.

G'night.

2002-02-09T02:59:00.000-06:00

Well, at least my domain name is pointing in the right direction.

Nothing there to see yet, but it's pointing.

Twisted Perspective

Yay.

I just (tonight) painted a piccy for the central location page. Just need to scan, tweek, and link up.

Yay.

I'm tired. I think I'll sleep now.

2002-02-08T14:40:00.000-06:00

Ugh. Fuckin' envy.nu. I am so glad that I'm moving my page.

Image gallery/doujinshi scan page is coming along nicely. I'm deliberating on the layout a little bit, but there are scans done and the splash page is done, it just points to nothing. The fiction page (which will be my fics, poems, beautiful gift art (thanksthanksthanks), and my own poopy art is still not started because I lack the creativity for the design. Bah.

I really need to work on the page for the whole sha-bang, though. The "central" page, if you want to call it that. I think I'll call it something like twisted collective or something. Maybe I won't name that nexus page. Maybe I'll put up a weird quote instead... After all, I'm going to have other pages than anime related stuff on the domain name. I'm going to have an anime shrine to my favorite characters from...everything I've seen...which isn't much, but I'm also going to have a couples/friends part to the shrine as well. That'll be fun. Then there's the Carrot Defense League. And the Campus Crawl (tentative title). The CC is what my friends and I do when we get really bored at night and have disposable cameras. It's funny. This Spring, when the weather isn't cold...it will resume. But it's funny. You'll see, well, you will if you stick with me.

2002-02-07T11:55:00.000-06:00

Cheeseburger!

Okay. That's out of the way. I haven't ate a cheeseburger in, uh, three months. I'm too lazy to buy ground beef and make a burger. 'Tis sad. Oh well. I crave red meat. I think I'll go buy a steak at the grocery store and cook it. Yum.

Maybe I'll put cheese on it.

Yeah.

::kicks envy.nu:: ((see below for why))

2002-02-06T22:43:00.000-06:00

2002-02-06T22:37:00.000-06:00

Well, Envy.nu was back online for a little while today. I managed to save some pages and save all the doujinshi scans. Also, I managed to save the ficpage's html...of course I already have all my stories in html on my computer. I just needed to get the gifts page (got the gift-pictures saved and set up as part of my screensave slide show thingy), the awards page, the contest page thing, and the art/poetry stuff. I have all this in various places, it would just be tons easier if I could just save it right off the page, ya know? This is frustrating.

I have a sociology test tomorrow. I'm two chapters behind and I haven't went to class in two weeks. Huh. Maybe I should study.

Hopefully tomorrow (after I turn in my criminal justice paper) I'll get some writing done. Ugh. I hope so. I'm starting to get stressed out.

2002-02-05T16:06:00.000-06:00

Envy.nu is still the devil. ::fumes::

Okay, I've been doing research into web design lately because I want the new sites to be spiffy as hell. However, I am faced with a dilemma. See, I've always tried to make my pages in the past compatible to as many browsers as possible. This, of course, is limiting. I have some nice layout ideas, nothing too exceedingly fancy....but cool as hell....that require at least certain level of browser. Now, looking at the statistics my webcounter gathers, it shows that all my visitors except 1% use compatible browsers. Here's my problem. 1% is still someone. Argh. Web browsers are free. People should update. But I'm still left with the dilemma.

However, I think that I'm just going to go with it and use style sheets and stuff, because not only are they hella cool, but would save me a lot of htmling and the like once the page was set up. So I think I'm going to have to break with my old philosophy and have "site requirements." Ugh. Oh well.

::cackles:: Plans! Whee! Now, onto story news.

I plan to hammer away some more at Cadence 7 tonight...hopefully I can finish. ::cross fingers and toes:: Bah, hard to type with crossed fingers. ::uncrosses 'em:: Anyway. The last bits are going to be stressful to write, thus the reason they are going so slowly. Cadence is such a heavy story...at least I think it is...it's heavy to write...is it heavy to read? I wish I knew. I won't be able to go back and read it objectively. I'll always be picking away at wording and everything. Lately, though, I've been going back and reading stuff I wrote last year...and boy, I feel like I've come a long way. I miss writing comedy, though. I haven't wrote something funny in so long...ack. Angst and darkness are lovely, but sometimes I like to return to my comedic roots, ya know? But I'm so consumed by college and current projects of creepiness and angst that I just can't find time. I have so many ideas...

Damnit.

If only time would stand still and let me write.

2002-02-04T17:54:00.000-06:00

Blargh! Envy.nu is the devil. The devil! I don't know what the hell is going on with their servers, but I wish they would come back online so I can move my stuff. Yes, stupidly, I don't have the entire site backed up. I mean, I've got the important stuff...and I'm going to do a new design for the move so the html and java stuff doesn't bother me...but I like the way I have stuff worded on a lot of pages. That, and setting up a links page is a huge pain in the ass.

But I digress. Envy.nu, come back! That's the point.

Also, my lovely new domain name is being redirected as I type and as you read...so hopefully, within the next day, everyone will be able to go and see the page. "Waiting..." That's all the index says. So you could look at that while I frantically and maniacally work behind the scenes. I'm so excited. It took me until 7 am to fall asleep last night. I kept thinking about stuff. Design, color, what else I want to put, other sites I've been dying to put together. I'm going to have this nice big shrine page for my favorite characters, couples, and relationships from various animes. Why? Because Menchi (the dog-thing from Excel Saga) needs a shrine. That's why. And then, no doubt, I will ramble. I can't wait. ^_^

2002-02-04T00:17:00.000-06:00

If you've never been to TheSpark.com and taken any of their tests, you should. They are funny. Just funny. Wah. For instance: The Death Test. Of course, this was the first one I took. Can't imagine why...

Supposedly: I will die at 58 years old. My #1 probable cause of death is suicide, #2 is cancer....and #3...oh my....is Confusion. I so want to die of confusion. That's hilarious. What is that? Wandering off a cliff? I can completely see myself wandering off a cliff because I wasn't paying attention.

Me: "La la la...That cloud looks like a----AHHHHHHHH..............."

SPLAT

"Damnit."

2002-02-02T14:54:00.000-06:00

Well, off the library. I love the library. Research! Research that for once is actually for class and not for some fucked up story! Yay.

2002-02-02T11:59:00.000-06:00

Today I must write a four page paper on violent crime. (four pages isn't much, really, but it since it's a research paper it feels like its longer)

Reading about violent crime is interesting to my Evil Writer personality. Insight and such, statistics, and terminology...not to mention help on characterization of violent people...

But now I need to get my ass in gear, finish my reading, go do the last little bit o' research, and write the damn thing. It has to be in APA format, which is like MLA format but not. Yeah. Finicky. So I probably won't get any fun writing done today...ah well. Tomorrow for that.

I feel really weird today. Really. Weird.

2002-02-01T01:49:00.000-06:00

Rar!

2002-02-01T01:31:00.000-06:00

::sigh::

Cadence 7 is going swimmingly, but it is hard. There is so much I want to fit in here, and everything is coming together, ya know? It's the end of the story...and not only do I have to deliver on the whole fifty page (i think) build up of 02's healing process, but I also have to deliver on the foreshadowing that I've built in since the first chapter. And yet I think some people are going to be somehow surprised.

See, when I write something, I am on a voyage of sorts. I have the general idea, or I may have a scene running through my head. Sometimes it's a conversation that comes to me in my dreams and won't leave me alone, and I have to structure a story around it. Other times it's a concept that I want to explore. Sometimes I get inspired by a song...like Drums was inspired by song. If you've read Drums, you know it takes place in a cave. What you don't know is that I originally intended Drums to be a simple chase scene to take place in a forest. That was all, and then the guys ended up in a cave...and inspiration whacked me up the side of the head. Or in Asylum, I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea how anything was going to fit together. I knew the ending, I knew the beginning, and I know what happened that hasn't been told yet. ((ahem, in the sequel, which will not being written for a while so don't hold your breath)) But for the duration of Asylum I had NO FRICKIN' CLUE where I was headed. It seemed like the story was leading me...the inspiring image for Asylum was just the five guys sharing a pushed together bunk bed and sleeping like a bunch of five year olds. You know, all cute and stuff. And look where I ended up. Geez.

Now, in 11:11 I started with a very similar story, but added an entire element to the story when it was in its third edit. Yes, I edited the hell out of 11:11. But anyway, that thing about seeing the dead at 11:11 (pm) is true, or at least I've heard it from more than one person and those people didn't know each other. So, yeah. Thus, a story!

I had a point here...but I think I lost it. It must be the cough syrup...it has codeine. Oh, yeah. Point! Sometimes I get this nice ideas that add a wrinkle to a story at the very last minute. And that just happened with Cadence. Now, whether or not anyone actually notices it or thinks it's cool or whatnot is beyond me. Huzzah.

2002-01-31T10:13:00.000-06:00

I don't understand doctors. I'm sick, right? I have a temperature of 103. I feel poorly. I need to get medicine or something. But no, everyone that takes our shitty insurance isn't taking new patients until next week. If I wait until next week I could conceivably be melted or something bad. I don't know. My head hurts. Poo! Argh. I can't even work up enough energy to be mad.

But, on a good note, Cadence 7 is coming along splendidly. Poor, poor 02. ::evil grin::

2002-01-30T16:11:00.000-06:00

www.cw.ua.edu - Squirrel attack cuts power, cancels classes

The Squirrel Incident. Complete with picture!

2002-01-30T15:37:00.000-06:00

Well, if you've been to my webpage and read the little blurb thing, you know that I've been having email difficulties. Why, you may wonder? A kamikaze squirrel.

No. I'm serious.

Really.

A squirrel decided to attack a transformer down the street yesterday afternoon, thus shorting out the university's many servers, including...yeah, you guessed it...the email. Huzzah. The squirrel, sadly, became a fried piece of flaming meat for its trouble.

And that, as they say, is that.

2002-01-30T00:36:00.000-06:00

Warning! Depressed ramblings ahead!

Often, I wish I had succeeded in killing myself.

It's been 11 months since my serious suicide attempt. By serious, I do mean just that, serious. Sure, sometimes I take too many painkillers or contemplate jerking my car into a telephone pole every now and then, but those are just thoughts. February of last year I slit my wrists. I took my trusty razor blades and cut on the insides of my arms from my wrists halfway up my forearms, then across the band of my wrists for good measure. A weeping cross of crimson blood, seeping from my veins in pulsing torrents. I cried and I cried. I watched the world start to fade and the blood flow down my arms, dripping in wet pools off of my elbows, then staining the palms of my hands when I was too weak to hold my arms up and stare at the wounds.

I remember staring at myself in the mirror, thinking about what a worthless mess I was, cursing myself even as the edges of my vision started to sway and go dark. I was on the verge of blacking out. Back then I had a roommate. She sent me death threats quite frequently, so I knew that no one would find me until it was too late. I remember smiling sarcastically at that.

But then, my saving grace. I looked down at the pool of blood that had fallen onto the carpet...my apartment's hideously neutral creme-colored carpet. I laughed, I really laughed, and said, "Oh, damnit! We're going to lose the deposit!"

At this point I realized that my priorities were not in order. If I was worried about the bloodstains on the carpet more than I was worried about bleeding to death, then maybe I shouldn't die just yet. So I stopped the bleeding, bandaged my arms, and cried myself to sleep. Now I have lovely long scars on my arms, the nicest of my admittedly large collection of self-inflicted wounds. They've faded considerably, but I look at them everyday...and I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't thought about the damn carpet.

And everyday I wish I hadn't.

2002-01-29T19:59:00.000-06:00

Tee hee.

2002-01-28T23:21:00.000-06:00

Damn. ::kicks envy.nu:: Bastards! Whatever they are doing had better be good and shiny for all the envy.nu webpages! I can't really complain, 'tis free, but damn! I would like to be able to edit my webpage or even see my page. I wanted to add links today, but now I'll just have to procrastinate again until next month. Argh. Sometimes I wish I could just shell out the cash for a domain name and all that shit, but I just don't want to deal with it.

Although...I do want to have a network. Maybe I will get a domain and such. I could host my stuff, have a separate page for doujinshi/manga scans, have a place for my personal stuff, and even give the Carrot Defense League an online home.

Oh, what is the Carrot Defense League? The CDL, of which I am the founding (and sole) member, supports the liberation of carrots everywhere. Cows can run away. Fruit can fall off the tree, roll away from the vine, whatever. Onions have natural stinky defenses. Potatoes can see you coming. What can carrots do? Nothing. Poor, poor carrots. They just sit there, minding their own gloriously orange business and are ripped savagely from the earth by their HAIR! Would you liked to be picked up by your hair? I didn't think so. Not to mention the mass media and their exploitation of the carrot at every turn...Bugs Bunny, I'm talking to YOU!

But I digress.

So, four people that may read this, do you know anything about domain registration and the like? Do you feel like sharing information? Do you also realize that I am a very very very...ah....thrifty (that sounds much better than cheap, doesn't it?) person? Indeed!

This project will never get off the ground. I am all talk and no action. ::sigh:: Worthless me.

The college is making me go see a psychiatrist. Fuck. ((wow, that was random))

2002-01-24T02:15:00.000-06:00

I am so pissed off right now. Actually, I'm more upset and sad than angry, but as long as I hold on to the angry part of myself, I'll be safe. Argh.

2002-01-22T21:07:00.000-06:00

Let me be clear---> I do not normally write song fics unless I can possibly help it. They usually end up as rather weak and uninspired if one has to rely on something else to push the story forward. ::cough::Vidfics::cough:: Of course, that's a gross generalization. And you know what they say about generalizations...They are never true. ((a cookie to you if you understand why that statement is funny)). But yeah, 99% of the time if I myself read a songfic I skip the lyrics. So, yeah. Mixed feelings...

But...sometimes I get ideas and I can't help it.

((such as these neat IDEA I have after reading a lot of Xel&Zel slayers fics lately...ever heard that song by Disturbed, Down with the Sickness?))

I've been stewing about a vamp fic for a while. I'm thinking Fushigi Yuugi, after the series. TasChi. ^_^ I have a soft spot. It's sad. ::shrug:: But I love Tasuki's fangs...and why does he have those? ::insane cackle::

But then, there is always that mind-whammying weird idea I had about Hiei from YYH...that would need to be modified though...and it's not too original but it is interesting and along the same sort of vein as the FY story idea...so it would be one or the other...xover? nah. that wouldn't work. it'd be stupid as an xover. and the point of a vamp fic is cool factor. well, and other stuff. Ho-hum. I'm thinking out loud now.

I hate having very little free time. I want to write. Damnit. Back to history reading.

2002-01-22T20:52:00.000-06:00

I am going to write a vampire fic based on these lyrics. This will serve as a "note to self" a la Norm MacDonald on the Weekend Updates SNL sketches. I miss Norm. ::sob::

But yeah. I love this song.

DARK - Written and Produced by Gary Numan ©

I've been waiting here
Waiting for faith
And the word to fall.
Now the darkness comes
And I'll pray for
The end of us all.

Don't let the dark into me
We killed the angels that warned us of you
Don't let the dark into me
We raised the tower of babel for you
Don't let the dark into me
We let the children build temples for you
Don't let the dark into me
Don't let the vengeance of heaven be you

So pray to me, I'm the lord's new disease,
Look down into the face of god.
Bow down and cry, I'm the black messiah,
The one true divinity.
Kneel before my altar and drink the wine of slaughter,
Who said I'd save anyone?
So bleed for me, I need hostility
To lead the faithful and the blind.

Don't let the light shine on me
I am the poison that feeds life to you
Don't let the light shine on me
I am the demon that waits inside you
Don't let the light shine on me
I am the ghost that reminds death of you
Don't let the light shine on me
I am the darkness that crawls into you

2002-01-22T17:07:00.000-06:00

To clarify, the glass in the salt thing is not what the antagonist does in Porcelain. What she (duh, if you've read the beginning you already know it's a she) sets up and does will be BAD.

::insert insane giggle here::

2002-01-22T17:05:00.000-06:00

Ugh. Okay. Now. History reading. Fucking history.

So, am I the only person that bites her cuticles? Because, obviously from the previous question, I do. I just bit the hell out the cuticle on my right thumb. The very thumb I use to hit the space bar. And guess what. It's been bleeding constantly for about fifteen minutes. I think I hit an artery.

I
Am
Serious

I put on a bandage. Bandaids fix everything, right? Yeah. Right. WRONG, Bitches! Wrong! I've never seen a bandaid soak through so quickly, and I have lots of bandaid experience. This is so fucking nasty. Yuck. This'll teach my to bite my cuticles. Fucking-A.

But yeah. I have something to bitch about. Something to really really bitch about. I have this friend who has been serious with this guy since high school. ((this is a college friend I met last year who moved back home, but since back home is only about an hour away it's not really too distant and we still talk pretty often)) So, she's separated from this guy, let's call him Mr. X for the sake of the conversation because after high school he goes off to Texas to like, uh, military school or something. Maybe military training. He's in the army or something. Not sure. But while he's gone he proposes to her over the phone. He acts like he's totally in love with her and happens to be rich and buys her shitloads of presents at the drop of a hat when he visits (which is rare). Then, for a mysterious reason, his roommate starts to answer the phone all the time when my friend calls. Hmmm...

SO. A few weeks go by and the roommate of Mr. X eventually spills to my friend that Mr. X is fucking another cadet/student/typeperson. She confronts him, he denies (duh) and eventually on his break he comes up and "confesses" and begs forgiveness. Now. We all told my friend that going back to a guy that cheated on her was a BAD IDEA, but she really did (does) love him and he evidently convinced her. So. He's up in this area for a while and everything is fine. My friend moves back home and we lose contact, but things kind of progressed between them...but not all the way if you catch my drift...so he proposes and she actually agrees this time. Now. Fast forward to new years.

Mr X tells my friend that he's bisexual and if she doesn't put out then he'd going to fuck his best (male) friend and leave her. Okay. NOW. That Fucking Pisses Me Off.

I want to tear his balls off and shove 'em down his throat. I want to do what my antagonist is going to do at the end of Porcelain, which is VERY NASTY INDEED. I want to put glass in his salt and laugh as tiny hemorrhages slice into his stomach and intestines and he bleeds to death from the inside out. Okay, well, that is a bit excessive, but it makes me feel better. I do want to punch his fucking face in, though.

Why? Well, first off, how insulting is that to the bisexual/gay community? Damn. Even if he is bisexual, which I doubt, but that's a really callous way to announce your intentions, ya know? But seriously, using something like that as a tool to try and "motivate" a girl to fuck him? Ugh. What a pig. He not only manages to make himself look bad by being Mr. X the Horn Dog, but also manages to cheapen a whole community of people's way of life. Not to mention how badly he hurt my friend. He's a double asshole. Double, double, double asshole. Argh.

Grr. Maybe I'm just over reacting, but I don't think so. I feel better for ranting, though.

My thumb is still bleeding.

2002-01-21T16:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, well, I've officially caught up on my Sociology reading. Now I just need to read my History.

I really need to tell the world about the movie we watched in history. It was French, and it had a Jedi. Seriously. Bah. Bad bad bad cinematic masterpiece. I am so disillusioned. But anyway, enough of that.

I shall now eat pizza, then watch some Bebop, then read some history. After that I will go over to a friend's house to watch the Daria movie (brought to you commercial free by Kotex!). I love Daria, seriously. See, I can relate to the chick. I'm sarcastic, a writer, and rather anti-social at times. Of course, she's got more friends and was much more well-adjusted than I was in high school, so oh, um, yeah. Bah. I think I'd scare Daria if she were a real person. Or maybe not. We might end up hanging out. But now I'm speculating on what would happen if I met a cartoon character, so it's time for me to stop typing.

Ja!

2002-01-20T03:49:00.000-06:00

Bah! Okay, so I got carried away with myself. It happens. SO. I finished Cadence part 6. I fully intended part 6 to be the LAST PART.

Oh well.

Part 7 has been started though. The epilogue is on paper.

::shine::

I'm happy.

Works for me.

Yay.

2002-01-19T16:54:00.000-06:00

Okay, it's Saturday. I have a Grand Plan! ((cue the fanfare!))

Seriously.

I'm sick of not having things finished. I am going to say, "Fuck homework! Fuck it right in the ear! I am going to write the rest of Cadence!" And then I will do so. I will not be distracted by shiny Cowboy Bebop or lovely beckoning forays into la la land of net surfing. Furthermore, if my friend Steve calls me, which he will, I will say, "No Steve, I am writing tonight. I cannot hang out and watch movies or the like. I must write!" Then I shall cackle, blush about accidentally almost rhyming, then tell him we'll hang out later. Like, Monday, when there is no class. Indeed. Huzzah.

I have decided! Nothing short of a power outage ::knock on wood:: can stop me.

And once Cadence is finished, I can finish Porcelain. (cue the hordes of Porcelain fans to cheer! I get more mail to continue that story, I swear....than, uh, I dunno...tangent...sorry...) Then I can work on the new book. Yeah, I've decided to take that weird crossover idea and make it original, tweak it, and write it as a novel. I think I can do it. I need a project, and it should do the trick nicely.

Then! While I'm working on it! I can branch out in my fan fics to other fandoms. Lately I've been watching lots of other animes, and reading lots of other stuff, and my brain has been working. For once. ::grin:: There are fandoms with very little fiction...::cough:: and I want to help. Of course, not all will be yaoi, not all will be scary, but there will be healthy doses of my weird fucked up style in all... For instance, I've got this wicked cool idea for a Gravitation fic for example....heheh....::shuts up::

I would say I was on a sugar rush, but I haven't eaten today...

2002-01-17T23:55:00.000-06:00

8-Bit Theater, how I love thee! How thou dost (dust? lemon pledge? lemons? mmmm....) bring me happiness! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Okay, that was odd.

2002-01-12T18:59:00.000-06:00

I woke up today around 1 pm. I woke up to a terribly distressing nightmare.

I will no doubt share the details of this distressing nightmare later in this very blogger, but for now I must go, for I will be going to play Hero Quest with friends. Huzzah. And Such.

2002-01-12T18:34:00.000-06:00

A list of movies I recommend for whatever reason, whether it is because they are dreadfully GOOD movies or because they are so FUNNY they make my teeth hurt, or they are so GOD AWFUL TERRIBLE that I love them for that very reason...or movies that have characters that for some reason just got to me. Sort through and see if you can see what's what. Point is, I will watch any of these movies at any time. Wheee!

Flatliners
Dark City
Fight Club
Clue
Blazing Saddles
Tremors
Twister
Cannibal! The Musical
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
Original Star Wars Trilogy (I view it as one work together. call me a nerd.)
Mortal Kombat
Lake Placid (so stupid! so funny! I love it. I do. I do!)
Pulp Fiction
Psycho (original version, thank you very much)
The Princess Bride
Robin Hood Men in Tights
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
Pump Up the Volume
Real Genuis

And now that I've shared I will disappear.

Poof!

2002-01-10T18:01:00.000-06:00

Okay....turns out I know who it is. Cool! ::grins::

2002-01-10T17:52:00.000-06:00

Dude! I'm downloading stuff on Morpheus, right...Flame of Recca......and after being gone for a few hours I come back to see someone has done that weird IM thing through the prog and asked if I was Spooks. I am, so I said yes. I guess the person is gone now, but it was weird. Freaked me out. Whoever you are, if you read this, let me know! I was too mildly shocked at the time to assimiliate the other person's name into my memory banks. Call it a case of heeby jeeby small world syndrome, but now I'm curious.

On another note, if anyone happens to know where online I can locate a avi file of Gravitation episodes 7 and 8 with sound PLEASE let me know. Mine are soundless. And I'm still waiting on episode 12, although I bet if I asked around I could get it from someone....

Ah! I wasn't supposed to get on my computer! Shit.

Bye!

::flies away::

2002-01-08T20:11:00.000-06:00

And lo, it is the next day...

the sun has risen.

the sun has set.

and still the world is a cold place.

.
.
.

So, anyway. n_n I finally saw the first YYH OVA. It's like, uh, 20 minutes long or something, which was disappointingly typical, but so far is right up there in happy anime favorites land. Why? Because, well, I have this unhealthy obsessive LOVE for YYH. I now own the whole series (although it is badly, badly, badly subbed) and both movie/ova things. Huzzah. As soon as I finish watching the series...I'm at episode 90 or so...I can start writing fics for it. I can't wait. But anyway, back to why I love this OVA. It gives Koenma a good, solid yaoi possibility. Koashura. When I read Utopian Trunks' Long and Involved Story Arc (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READING! Go to: The Temple East of Sanity and go to the YYH fanfic section. Read, be entertained. Um, if you are, skip the rest of this paragraph because there maybe spoilerage for the story arc, it's very good, so you should read it. so, skip rest of paragraph and let me talk to myself. shit. um. hehe.) um, anyway, when I read ::points:: that I didn't actually know that Koashura was a real character and I thought UT was a GENUIS. Koenma with a feasible love interest that was not Botan! Yay! I was happy. See, now that I know Koashura is a Real Honest to Enma Character, wow. Coolness. I was so so so happy watching that OVA. Because I have this seed of a story growing in my head...and I can totally use that little guy.

Yes, now to ramble about this Xover I want to write so desperately. Flame of Recca = goodness. YYH = goodness. GW = you already know. I might try to work Trigun in here, but I'm not sure. It's a BIG IF, but it's swirling in my mind on how I could do that. But then, I've got this other neat idea for a Cowboy Bebop/Trigun thing, which can only be described as Complicated. Hehe. Oh! And recently I've been watching Kenshin....I liketh Sano and Kenshin...not necessarily together, but together is nice...that's the yaoi fangirl in me coming through...argh...okay. See, for the five people that may read this, here's a sneak peek into what may turn into the Next Big Spooks Story. Massive Crossover, Scifi, set in a post apolocaliptic (sp?) future. The Earth is gone, as are the Three Realms...Makai, Reikai, Ningenkai (again, sp?...when I write this, it'll be correct)...most of the Gods will be dead...and the refugees from Earth will be on a race to find Eternity. But what is Eternity? It is a theory, found and hypothesized that in the event horizon of a black hole lies time itself, and the power to destroy the invaders. Space invaders. That's something I'll need to work on so it doesn't end up S I L L Y. But...I've got these Massive Cool themes about cloning and memory and mythology of spirit and science all swirling together. Powerful pictures are stuck in my head. This happened last time I wrote something big...and that was Asylum.

So, how is this going to be anime related? That's where it will get interesting. Hehe. So, five people that may read this...does this sound remotely interesting?

2002-01-07T20:02:00.000-06:00

I'm tired.

I feel funny.

See, I did have Major Plans for this nice winter break. I was going to finish Cadence and work on Porcelain and Still Waters and such. I really really really want to start work on this MASSIVE COOL X-Over. Flame of Recca and YYH, kiddies! But then shit happened. My depression started to rage at me. I was ripped off. My best friend moved four hundred or so miles away. Our college's football team went to a shitty bowl game, which meant the band had to go to play at said shitty bowl game, and we had to leave at 7 am the day after Christmas. Which meant I had to drive back to my apartment on Christmas so that I wouldn't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn on the 26. But I digress.

Point -----> I've had a really really really Unfun Winter Break. Seriously.

But, as always, there have been good things.

I've discovered a lovely comic book store that rents LOTS of anime. ::foams at the mouth:: This is good news. I can expand my horizons without emptying my bank account. Huzzah.

And that's the highlight of my holiday season. Shit. Okay.

So. Classes start in two days. I'm actually glad.

Now! As for writing! As if anyone reads this blogger and as if anyone cares! ((I'm not feeling well right now, watch me wallow in self pity and misery and be all depressed. yay. bah.)) I have the epilogue of Cadence written on paper. Freaky! On paper! I haven't written anything on paper in years. Usually just outlines and shit, but no, this is unrefined, rough draft writing. Wow. Tremble, peasants! Or, if you will....pheasants! Feathered ones, fear me!

Okay, that was weird, even for me.

God, I'm lonely.

I feel like I'm floating, like I'm not connected to anything at all. I don't like it. In fact, I think I need to ground myself...I think I'll go for a drive. Yes. Maybe the road will sing to me tonight.

2001-12-30T04:58:00.000-06:00

What Cartoon Character Are You Like?

Take the test. 'Tis fun.

I don't know where I am right now. I think I may just be out of my mind.

More on this later.

2001-12-24T00:33:00.000-06:00

You know what I hate? I hate when I finally have time to do things, and that time gets stolen from me by circumstances. Damnit.

2001-12-13T13:02:00.000-06:00

And lo, there came a time when finals were over.

And lo, it was good in the eyes of the Spooks.

::crash::

You know what? I'm officially nocturnal. Seriously.

2001-12-12T23:26:00.000-06:00

Kill me now, I'm ready to go.

If I'll return...no one knows.

I've had enough, now here me scream.

Wake me from this tortured dream.

((don't panic. just a poem.))

2001-12-12T22:12:00.000-06:00

An update on the plagiarism thing: The story is gone, thanks to ff.net's abuse policy. And oh my, did I find out that I've got some friends out there. It's reassuring to know that the GW fandom, at least a part of it, is so loyal and wonderful and protective. Gah. Cool.

But I will be deleting my ff.net account pretty soon. That was the last straw for that site.

On a completely different note, one of my best friends in real life just succeeded in pissing me off. Damn, I've been pissed off a lot lately. One thing after another after another after another lately. Here's the situation: one friend sent a mass email about a virus warning. It basically boiled down to one of those search and destroy a file things, and deleting that file could be potentially harmful to your computer's operation. ((not my opinion, but mcaffee virus scan's)). So I send out that it was a hoax and put a link to the method for recovering the file. And then I get this semi-nasty email about "embarrassing" the friend who perpetuated the hoax. I'm sorry if she was embarrassed, but I think not fucking up people's computers is a bit more important than a smidgen of pride. I mean, damn, this is email, not the end of the world. But I digress. I'm a little ticked off, but it's cool. I probably wouldn't have been bothered by this if it wasn't for the shit that has been bombarding me lately. Car breaks down, power goes out, plagiarism, and finals week. Bah.

I feel better venting.

^_^

2001-12-12T01:32:00.000-06:00

Oh, look, kiddies, another plagiarism.

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=137822
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=493125

Check this out, some punk decided to copy and paste one of my stories, The Cadence of Time, as their own work. Death will fall upon them soon. It should. This isn't the first time someone has ripped off my stuff, but this is the most blatant. Words cannot express how fucking mad I am right now. I'm steaming, cursing, and going to probably set something on fire. Literally. I have lighter fluid and a newspaper.

Why would someone steal someone else's work like that? It's like stealing a piece of their soul.

I'm going to have to go calm down now. This isn't healthy for me.

2001-12-11T00:18:00.000-06:00

::beats head on desk::

Fuck!

I hate finals! I do! I do!

You know what I hate worse, though? I hate take-home-and-write-a-fucking-million-page-long-paper-because-I'm-too-lazy-to-make-a-test finals even worse. They take three times as long as a test would and are about as clear as mud in their directions. Fuck! I'm pissed off. I've got two of those suckers to get finished, one of them today at 4, the other one...and on Thursday I've got an eight page (at least) paper that "takes a social theory and two works of fiction and compares them in a way that does not constitute as opinionated in anyway, shape, or form, but damnit better have citations up the wazoo!" thingy due on Thursday. Not to mention an 8 am history exam on Wednesday. I think I'm just going to stay up Tuesday night and go to bed after the exam. Then, I shall sleep! Sleep until that night around 9 or so and then be nocturnal-person until the other paper is done, turn it in, then CRASH. Literally. CRASH.

And to top it all off...my car broke down. It won't even start. Just what I need. I'll have to hike to my final. And I'm out of groceries.

Fuck.

2001-12-10T05:38:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so it's 5:38 am and I'm not in bed yet. God bless America.

2001-12-08T03:27:00.000-06:00

Just....go here....The Adventures of Tom Cruise & Spork.

::falls over::

Spork!

Bwha!

"Don't mess with Spork! Spork will mess you up! Half spoon, half fork...

Full badass!!!"

::collapses in a puddle of gooey laughter-like material::

2001-12-08T00:11:00.001-06:00

Oh, well. It's okay to be a complete and utter failure. I should be used to it by now.

2001-12-08T00:11:00.000-06:00

Wow! Check out the full justification on the line down there. Wonder if I can do that again?

Spooks says it's spoon/time/spoon/time...

2001-12-08T00:09:00.000-06:00

Um, yeah. New thing. I got a message board now. I could have always had one, but I'm stupid.

So, if you want to tell me what an idiot/genius/weirdo/phreek/loser/asshole/moron/fill-in-an-insult I am, go for it.

Pointless Message Board O' Doom!

::wanders away::

2001-12-07T17:42:00.000-06:00

I watched American Beauty today. That's a movie, for those of you that may not know. Actually, I watched the second half of it, as we watched the first half in class on Wednesday. Finished watching it today in class. You get the picture.

Good movie.

It just served to remind me that there are only two absolutes of living: 1) You're born. 2) You die. That's all. This has actually been rolling around in my head for quite sometime. I mean, think about it. You don't have to eat, sleep, or go the bathroom. You don't even have to breathe, you could just die right there after you spurt out of your momma, just die without doing anything at all. Not a pleasant notion, but it's true, it's possible. You can live for a short time without any necessities of living. So, really, the only absolutes are birth and death.

I don't see why people get so worked up about death. We're all going to kick the bucket eventually. Death happens. You must die if you're born. And you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't born, now would you? Therefore, we have reached the following conclusion: You're going to die. So am I. It could be today, or it could be in 87 years, but the point is, it will happen. So why worry about it?

Granted, people cry at funerals, but really, why do they do that? Why do I do that? If you believe in some sort of higher power or life after death, then you believe, usually, unless the person was a right evil asshole, in which case why would you cry to begin with....going way off topic...anyway, if that person was good, or some reasonable facsimile of not-evil, then they are probably better off than you are.

It's like when my grandpa died after a year or two of absolute bedridden misery. He was a great, wonderful man, and his suffering was over. He was in a better place, in my opinion. And still I cried. I felt so selfish crying. Then I realized that the reason I was crying was not for him, but for me. I was mourning my loss, what I would miss. I was remembering what had been and what could never be again. I was also reminded that death was in fact real, and that yes, it would come for me one day.

This is, in my opinion, why people cry at funerals. Loss, realization of mortality, regret, even guilt, but people rarely cry over the person dead. It's the other stuff, what influences the mourner. It's good to realize these things, to be frank with yourself. Of course, this is just my version of reality, undoubtedly, it's not yours. Everyone lives in their own sphere of existence, their point of view influencing and changing their world. What is the world but a series of perceptions?

::shrugs::

2001-12-06T20:25:00.000-06:00

I wonder what it would be like if blood was blue and the sky was red? Would people find dark red lighting to be lovely, maybe interesting? Would red walls be conducive to sleep? As it is in our world, blue, the natural color of the sky, is considered to be a soothing color. Supposedly light blue walls also help you fall asleep, but I don't buy into that too much. Once your eyes are closed, the only colors you see are the ones that you conjure up to paint weird patterns on the back of your eyelids. What the hell does it matter what color my walls were? My eyes are closed!

It's silly.

Where do these experts get these ideas? Do they take a bunch of "average" people and make them go to sleep in different colored rooms? Where do they get these "average" people? What is an average person, anyway? Who decides that? Is it statistics? Is it appearance based? What?

I know, logically, that there are studies that measure how wall color influences sleeping, but really, who do they get to test these things on? I'll bet its a bunch of college students who desperately need cash for beer and weed. And I know lots of people like that. They can't be trusted to be logical or truthful, and it might not be their fault that they can't be trusted. Their logic might be the truth to them...but another name for pot is dope, and it's called that for a reason.

Not that all stoners are muddle-minded idiots. Not at all. Just the ones that would participate in a study that requires them to sleep in different colored rooms. On second thought, wouldn't the "experts" make their participants take blood tests? If so, then I guess the subjects of which I am rambling about would be Right Out.

Um. Yeah.

So, if the sky was red and blood was blue, would blue be a gruesome color to see splattered on walls? I guess it would be.

2001-12-05T22:05:00.000-06:00

Make that low score a 29, beetches.

::laughs::

No one ever reads this, do they?

I suppose it doesn't matter. I feel sad, sick, and exhausted.

2001-12-05T21:35:00.000-06:00

Mini Golf

Bwha! I've been endlessly amused for two days now by this wonderful little flash putt putt game. Go, play.

My personal best score is 32. Bwha.

2001-12-04T10:07:00.000-06:00

::blinks::

Oi.

Okay, it's been a while. Where or where have I been?

Uh, nowhere?

Yes, but anyway. I'm feeling odd today. I went this morning to get an MRI on my head. (For years I've had headaches just about every single day with a migraine about every three weeks or less. It sucked, so I finally went to a neurologist last week.) MRIs are odd things. Mine only took about fifteen minutes, but during those fifteen minutes the upper half of my body was in this coffin-like tiny little space that make odd and loud noises. It was odd, because I wasn't supposed to move my head...and it wasn't until then that I realized how often I must shift around when I try to fall asleep. But anyway, when they were moving me back into the loud coffin o' noise, I realized that I'm claustrophobic, at least a little bit. Irrational panic welled up in my heart and made me fidget terribly for a good minute. Then they told me that all of me wasn't going back into the coffin-space, and I felt better.

Yesterday I had an EEG done. That's when they glue electrode things to your head and monitor your brainwaves. That was just plain odd. I have almost waist length hair, so the most troublesome part of this was just getting the damn electrodes in the right spots. I couldn't use conditioner on my hair that morning, either, otherwise the electrode glue might not have stuck, and therefore my hair was snaring and tangling as much as it possibly could, just to spite me. I felt all cyborg-ish once they were done, though. Cool. Once my brain activity (or lack of brain activity?) was measured, the lady took the electrodes off using fingernail polish remover. That was just odd.

...And finals are next week. Damnit.